1. A paralyzing fear of getting pregnant again.
Every month, I wait with baited breath for the Crimson Tide of Justice to reappear. Hope for it. Pray for it. I imagine every possible terrible scenario--envisioning pausing in my nursing of Q to expel my stomach contents into a bucket due to baby #2. I think that I could handle having 2 babies (though that would be very difficult). It's being pregnant while I already have a baby that terrifies me. And the whole strict, "Don't get pregnant for at least a year or it could be dangerous," admonition of my obstetrician due to my c-section/diabetes. Couple that with my periods being irregular for the first time in my life, and you have a bundle of nerves every four weeks.
2. Unexpected friendships.
I'm going to be honest, I thought I had it figured out. "I've been hoping to find some common ground with this person," I would think. "Now we'll both have babies and we'll be buddies!" It didn't actually really work out that way. There were at least a couple of women with babies who I expected to get to know well who, it turns out, seem resolutely disinterested in developing a friendship. On the other hand, there are quite a few women who I didn't expect to have friendships with at all who I've grown quite close to. Having a baby also unexpectedly opened up some old friendships that had been laying dormant for a while. In a way, I feel bad, because I worry these girls will think I just like them for their babies. But really, I just needed an in. Some common ground. A mutual discussion point. ALSO, a couple of people whose interest I thought I would completely lose once I dove head-first into motherhood have stuck around and continued to be friendly and show interest in my life. I guess it's the old "don't judge a book by its cover" cliche.
3a. The continuation of the barf saga.
Not for me, for Q. I guess after a puking kitty and then holding a big tupperware container in front of my face for 7 months straight, I thought I would at long last find some respite. But I was unprepared for the perpetual spitter-upper that my child has turned out to be, which brings me to:
3b. Bodily fluids don't bother me.
This is crazy! Historically, I am a squeamish germophobe (spell check is suggesting I replace this word with "homophobe," by the way). If I see that a kid has a runny nose, I can pretty much tell you every toy they have touched. But when it comes to my own offspring, bodily fluids are of no consequence. I don't gag if I get poop on my hand. I sigh and roll my eyes when her spit up dribbles down my chest and into my bra. I don't change clothes for a little spot of pee or half a dozen dabs of her breakfast (which, by the way, was milk). I am impervious to her grossness! For the record, other kids' bodily fluids still bum me out. Even Bella's barfs still make me gag.
4. Fighting off judgements has become even harder.
I sort of thought that peace, love, and goodwill would flow through my body as I embraced motherhood, and I would be able to see that everyone is trying their best and everything is cool, man. Unfortunately, I find myself having opinions over the most inconsequential things, like what age you introduce solids, what kind of car seat you use, where your baby sleeps, etc. I really am having to battle against that spirit of judgement daily, and I hope that I can keep it reigned in. Because honestly, it probably doesn't really make a difference if you feed baby her first solids at 4 months or 7 months, if he sleeps on your bed, the couch, or a crib, or if she listens to Kanye West or Veggie Tales as she drifts to sleep.
5. A cleaner house.
This one is kind of counter-intuitive, but time is so much more productive when it's no longer your own. Instead of sitting on the couch all day thinking, "Meh, I'll vacuum next week," I run around in a frenzy saying, "Oh my gosh, the baby is napping! I have to get things done!" And you swiftly learn that you have to pretty tightly manage everyday household tasks, or else they build up very quickly. The trash, laundry, dishes, cat litter--all these things are fairly well kept up with now that the baby is here, whereas they were all overflowing prior to her arrival. I also make a decent effort at keeping the bathroom clean and the floors vacuumed and mopped. I am definitely enjoying this new-found productivity and generally go to bed feeling more satisfied at the end of the day.
6. A renewed closeness to God.
There's nothing like having your own child to help you get a glimpse of the unconditional love that God has for His children. You realize that your example will be instrumental to setting your child on the right path, and you are resolute to do what you can to assure their eternal salvation. My great desire is for Q to grow up to be a godly woman, compassionate and wise. I pray for her every night and try to keep myself plugged into the Bible. I sing her little hymns and read to her from the book of baby Bible stories. And it no longer feels forced, like it sometimes used to. It comes much more naturally. I can't say that it was like that immediately. Getting a regular Bible time established for myself was key, as was regular attendance to church (with Q, of course). But I have seen God make big changes in my heart, including nudging me to work on certain problem areas. I really hope that this new-found faith continues and that Q absorbs it so that trusting in the Lord becomes second nature to her. (Every time I stop at my in-laws on the way to church, my father-in-law says cheerily, "So, taking her to church? Is she going to throw her sins into the sin bin?")
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