Shyness, Your Highness.

Here is my beautiful daughter, 18 months old. And guess what? She's shy. Man, is she shy. And I'm trying to figure out what to do about it. More specifically, I'm trying to figure out IF I should do anything about it.

Here is how her shyness manifests: If a stranger looks at her or talks to her, she turns her head away and gets as close to me as she can, saying, "Mama." It doesn't necessarily have to be a stranger, though. She even pushes away her daddy--usually in the mornings--and clings to me because she's afraid I'll go on errands and leave her behind. Yesterday I told her, "I'm getting you some cucumbers. I'll be RIGHT back." I left her in the backyard with my good friend and her daughter, who Q sees about once a week. When I came back approximately 60 seconds later, she was crying hysterically. I can't do simple things like set her in the grocery cart beside her friend while we're shopping (unless I then push the cart--but even then, she's nervous). She doesn't stop crying while in the church nursery. She is painfully slow to warm up to both people and places. She'll eventually get used to them and start exploring, but under no circumstances will she tolerate me leaving.

However, I'm not convinced that I should do anything about this. She is 18 months. She is far more shy than the other kids I see, but I'm fairly convinced that a lot of it is personality and/or genetics. I was VERY clingy to my mother. It actually made my childhood quite difficult (for both me and her!). I don't want to go down that road. But I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, either.

With children, it seems we have to work to teach them the opposite of whatever traits they naturally possess. I probably won't be having long talks about "stranger danger" with Q, because that isn't going to be her weakness. We'll have to have more talks about trusting our friends and family and being okay when Mama leaves for a little while. I think I say she's shy too much. And if I keep applying that label to her, people will treat her as if she is. And when she's old enough to understand, she may internalize the label and struggle to ever break free of it. I don't know. It's all so tricky. I just don't know the answer.

I don't mind her being serious and having a critical eye of new people and situations. But I also want her to be brave and have fun and be full of fire and spit. She's so young, though, that it could still just be a phase (although I'm starting to doubt it), so maybe I should just wait a little longer. We get out and do things--we see family, I leave her with Daddy while I run errands, she plays at the YMCA, we have a playdate with her friend every week, we go to church most weeks... So it's not that she's never around anyone else. She is my first child and I am by nature a protective parent, so that possibly contributes. But it's not the whole story.

I love my daughter. She is smart and hilarious and careful and thoughtful and can talk like nobody's business. I love her shyness, too. I just want to be sure I am parenting in the correct style for her disposition and that excessive shyness doesn't get in the way of her having a productive and happy childhood.