Believe it or not, I was really on top of things for a while. All the dishes were put in the dishwasher, all the floors were vacuumed and mopped, all the laundry was folded and put away, and even the bathroom had had a good scrubbing. But not anymore! The time demands of an infant have finally caught up with me, and now I often use my "down" time to stare blankly at the nearest wall in a state of perpetual exhaustion. First off, Q is only letting me get about 3 hours of sleep per night. I could get more, mind you, if I went to bed at 9pm like she does and took advantage of the ~3 hours of sleep she affords me there, but my mind and body are at their most energetic during those hours of night. Try as I might, sleep will not come. So I am relegated to a mere 3 hours of sleep anywhere between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m. Usually by the time Steven wakes up around 8 or 9, I am in a zombie-like state of existence and hand her silently to him before crawling back under the covers.
Also, messes! It is a big chore just to stay on top of them! Q had her 3rd explosive poop of her short lifespan, today, and it soaked through her onesie, overalls, and onto her swing seat. So in the middle of the day I found myself bathing her and collecting all the extra laundry in a wet heap. I can't imagine how those moms do cloth diapers. The amount of laundry I find myself doing is out of control. Q spits up on my clothes at least once a day, so gone are the days of wearing an outfit multiple days in a week.
Do you recall how I mentioned that it is imperative that women who have just had a c-section not get pregnant for at least a year? Well, bearing that in mind, I bravely plunged into the waters of birth control pills and went on the "mini-pill," a progestin-only pill that supposedly has fewer side effects than most birth control medications (though it has the risk of being slightly less effective than normal 2-hormone pills, it is a popular choice for breastfeeding moms). Many years ago, I had attempted a couple of different pills and found that they caused either nausea or horrific mood swings. Well guess what? Within 3 days of starting this new pill, I was a bundle of anxieties--nerves raw, having trouble concentrating on the baby, filled with a sense of imminent doom. I went back off of it and saw IMMEDIATE improvement--now I regret that I spent $25 on the darn package (our insurance hadn't kicked in yet--have I mentioned that Steven is currently unemployed?). I could've spent that $25 on getting a bento box from J & T Steak House, which I've really, really, really been craving. I'm not sure I'm allowed to crave things anymore. I'll chalk it up to being Canadian.
But motherhood is not all bad. Q smiles lots now, and I have grown to love all her adorable little baby rolls. She is tall, too--she has just now grown out of the 0-3 month size due to being too tall for it. I've been filling out her baby book with abandon, and I hope that one day when she's older, she'll appreciate the effort I've put into it. And maybe, when she has her own children, she'll compare her baby book with theirs, as I've been comparing hers to mine. Q's name means "intelligent" or "wise," and I pray every day that she grows in wisdom and has compassion for others.
In the meantime, I'll be over here combating explosive poops.
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