Nothing. Nothing happened next. I still had severe anxiety.
As part of my anxiety, I was afraid to eat anything that could be possibly deemed as unhealthy. For a number of months, I bought only organic. I didn't touch fast food, partially because I was confined to the house. I eliminated all caffeine. I dropped 20 pounds and was finally within a normal weight range for the first time in many years. I exercised daily, beginning with a slow exercise video and working up to running a mile a few times a week.
And I want to let you know, I STILL HAD ANXIETY. Bad anxiety, even. Anxiety that required, at one point, 4 medications, and even still only allowed me to leave my house minimally, and only at certain hours of the day.
Society is shifting its idols, yet again. Every single health problem I hear of, there's someone out there claiming that a certain diet will cure it. Eat organic. Eat vegan. Eat paleo. This is what our bodies are "supposed" to eat. Cave men had it right. Vegetarians have it right. Pescatarians.
Nothing will make you immortal. Nothing will save your body from the inevitable decay we all experience.
I understand that a healthy diet can improve your mood and that shedding those excess pounds can make you feel better. I know our bodies are a temple. I know that I struggle with an addiction to junk food. But healthy food is not your savior, and sickness and death come to us all. Anything can become an addiction, even health eating and exercise.
I'm glad I ate perfectly for those 3+ months that I was suffering from debilitating anxiety. It helped me lay to rest once and for all that the anxiety was "my fault" and could be cured by a simple lifestyle change.
I'm glad I got down to my "ideal weight" and then gained 20 pounds back again. I looked damn good when I was 145 pounds, and I was downright miserable. It didn't even begin to solve my problems. I don't look, in my opinion, quite as stunning now, but I feel immeasurably happier. And if there's anything I learned about my weight, it's that people REALLY don't care. I guarantee you, they don't give 2 shits about whether you gained 20 pounds, because they are busy worrying about what they look like.
I would love to get back to the healthy lifestyle I was able to maintain when I was having a nervous breakdown, but I wouldn't trade my improved mental health for dropping a few pants sizes for anything in the world. And now I'm satisfied to know that while a healthy lifestyle improves various aspects of my life and makes me feel physically stronger, it is not responsible for my anxiety, my juvenile diabetes, or my hypothyroidism.
Push through however you can. Whether it's medication, long talks with your mom on the phone every night, or cleaning the house from top to bottom, do what you gotta do and don't ever feel ashamed.
